Safe Driving

In utmost boringness, i have decided to come up with my own blog. Haha, actually i created this blog long way back, it's just that i can't be bothered to start!!

Yea, it's true. I've got into a car accident. Always thought i was one of the descendents of Michael Schumacher, things like this will be the last to happen to me. NOOOOO...how wrong was i (hey hey, now i know why Alonso won the championship). I shall not go into details of how the accident happened because i can literally hear the chorus of Howie Day's Collide
(It goes like this:
Even the best fall down sometimes..
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind..
I somehow find
You and I collide)
playing behind my eardrums when i was about to kiss the ass of some Toyota Altis (Lady Driver.....Yea, it's true, i know what you guys are thinking). Damn!!

So instead, i shall give a lesson or 2 on the DO's and Don'ts on the road. Therefore, instead of learning from your own mistake, why not learn from mine?

DO's

• Always have at least 2 hours of sleep. (i did not slept for almost 2days)
  
• Always drive barefooted to have effective braking control and not wear certain kind of sneakers that reads A.D.I.D.A.S (don’t worry, I still love you, Adidas..HIAK HIAK HIAK).
  
• If you know you gonna hit the car in front. Jam break, close your eyes and pray to god for some miraculous force that you might just happen to miss her ass by an inch and promise him you will never complain about your job and your pay again!!
  
• If you know you gonna hit the car in front. Jam break, close your eyes and pray to god that a car from behind driven by a person by the name of Woman will kiss your ass slightly so you need not pay a single cent and still get your car fixed brand new!!
  
• If you know you gonna hit the car in front. Jam break, close your eyes……NO!! Don’t close your eyes this time. STEP UP THE ACCELERATOR, HIT 5TH GEAR AND WHACK THE SHIT OUT OF HER ASS. WITH A SWIFT MOTION, HIT THE REVERSE GEAR AND ACCELERATE ALL THE WAY BACK TILL YOUR ASS MEETS THE SURPRISED INCOMING CAR WHO IS DRIVEN BY A PERSON BY A NAME OF WOMAN WHO WILL BE TOO SHOCK TO REACT. Therefore, once again you need not pay a single cent and still get your car fixed brand new!!
  
• Scenario 1(collided with a male driver): After collision, in this case you kiss someone’s ass, make sure you put on the most “Kiam Pa” face and walk “Ah Bengishly” towards the driver;
  
  Ah Bengish You: knnbbbb ccbbbbcbbb…wtf happened!???Your mother teaches you to E break like this!!!??F&*kin Hell…You know how much it’s gonna cost my baobei car anot???!!
  
  Male Driver: WTF!!! You knocked onto me still dare to knn here and ccb there!! Bloody hell!! You betta shut the F&*k Up and pay up!! F&*kin Loser…
  
  Ah Bengish You: PAY!! Pay your ARSE!!! $$ don’t have lah…u want u claimed from my insurance la….knn…I tell u 1st!! I am from Gang Teletubbies!!! YOU Betta watch out!!!
  
  Male Driver: huh??!!Gang Teletubbies?? (Gave a “The Rock” eyebrown, backed off and drove away).
  
  Morale of the story; Screw the shit out of him anyway you are the one paying. Try to intimidate him and hopes he doesn’t over claim from your insurance agent.
  
  
• Scenario 2 (collided with a female driver): Scream like a girl to the top of your lung and take a deep breath. Comb your hair and adjust your shirt and make sure everything is in place and walks out smartly towards the driver;
  
  Good looking you: (with a fake elvis’s accent) Are you alright? Are you hurt in anyway? Do you need to go to the nearest hospital?
  
  Female Driver: (*sob sob*) I’m so sorryyyyyyy…I don’t know what I was thinking. I swear I saw James Lye half-naked across the street waving at me!! So instead of pulling out my camera, I pulled the handbrake!!(*sob sob*) I’m so sorryyyyy….i’m such a BIMBO!!
  
  Good looking You: (You BET!!!!) ohh..don’t say that…you are not a bimbo….
  
  Female Driver: Really??I am not???
  
  Good looking You: Everything is fine now, just go to the nearest workshop and get your car fixed and send me the receipt, alright? This is my HP number….(Wear back your sunglasses and walks off as though everything is in slow motion)
  
  Morale of the story; Never ever shout vulgarities to a woman, if you do, you are a freaking Loser!! Treat them with the due respect no matter how they drive.
  
  
  DON”Ts
  
• Never tailgate a female driving car.
  
• Never be in front of a female driving car.
  
• Never stay beside a female driving car (you never know when they will see James Lye).
  
• Just stay clear!! Alright!!!??
  
  
  p.s: This post is definitely over exaggerated and not true! I just wanted to vent out my anger on a particular person who I knocked my car with. You seriously have no idea how mush damage it has done to me and my car. No offence to all lady drivers, I have come across some of them as better drivers as some male ones. Definitely better than me because I can’t even avoid an accident, so therefore I have no right to speak and criticize my counterparts. This post is purely pleasure purpose. Safe Driving!!!!!! :D